


Maybe in Another Universe, I Deserve You

by aftermidnight



Category: Mad Men
Genre: Angst, F/M, Memories, Nostalgia, Phone Calls & Telephones, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-07 22:59:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermidnight/pseuds/aftermidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shot. Because we always dream of things that never were, and wish we were kinder and wiser. Because the past is a wound that never truly heals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe in Another Universe, I Deserve You

Trudy just got off the phone. It was Tammy's birthday, and to hear that little voice saying "dad" made his heart shrink as in few times in his life. He wanted to hug her, to go home with a doll or something, but he was in California. And that was no longer a home for him. Trudy's voice was still sweet, even after so many times he mistreated her. But concluded that, anyway, this would be the only end. He tried to love her somehow, to build a family as everyone else, but it was wrong from the start. At least from this whole mess something precious was born, something that doesn't make him feel so alone. He remembered the day he received the news of Trudy's pregnancy. He wished it had been a happy day, but ended up being one of the saddest. Every minute of that day he remembered that it wasn't the first time he would be father, that another part of him is out there, living and breathing. Another good thing in his life that he ruined, and in fact one of the few, he concluded. Perhaps, if he have not treated Peggy as an adventure, she wouldn't have given away their child. If he had stopped to realize what he felt for Peggy and the way she treated him, in the right time, maybe he would never be married to Trudy at all. _What a fool I was_ , he thought. _I felt I was in such a complicated situation and today I see... I had all the choices._ He recalled how he drowned in drink during the wedding party, to try to forget what was happening, and especially what happened in the previous days... Those two days with Peggy brought more memories than entire years that followed. He looked at the phone for a few minutes, with a willingness to call her and hear that voice again. That voice that he is used to hearing for almost ten years. Concluded that, anyway, he's lucky to have her in his life yet, even if in a different way. The phone started ringing, which paused his ramblings.

"Hello?"  
"Mr. Campbell? Miss Olson needs to talk to you." It was Dawn's voice. He smirked, strangely happy to have heard that phrase.  
"Pete?" He knew that voice.  
"Hi Peggy, how are you?" For a few seconds nothing was heard. She thought it was strange that question, since he's never so personal.  
"Uhm... I'm fine, thanks... What about you?"  
"As good as possible. Tammy's birthday... We just talked on the phone."  
"Oh..." Peggy didn't know what to say. It was one of those moments between them that she wanted to say something but at the same time was afraid... _An irrational fear, she knows._ "She's already speaking?"  
"Only 'dad'... But anyway..." They both laughed, and somehow the ice was broken.  
"You must be happy, so." and after a brief silence, she felt she had to complete it. "I mean, it must be nice to hear a child saying mom or dad."  
"I'm sorry..." he soon completed, with a slightly stern voice.  
"For what?" by her voice he realized that she was apprehensive about what he was going to talk. But he didn't want any problems.  
"Just... For hearing me saying this. I'm wasting your time." She took a deep breath of relief. For a moment, thought that the subject in which both try to flee would finally come to light.  
"Of course not. We're friends."  
"Yes... But I know you don't called just to know how was my day."  
"You're right." by the sound he realized she was smiling.  
"Since you and Ted didn't give us any directions for the new Sunkist campaign, we're working on a lot of concepts but would be very helpful if you give a hand about which one the client would approve. Can you help me with that?"  
"Sure. You won't give all the details, will you?"  
"No. Sorry, I don't want to waste your time." she said in an ironically tone, which made him laugh. As she was quoting the ideas, he could not resist and went back to those moments between them in the past. _Her voice changed just a little_ , he thought. He remembers the first time she smiled at him, in her apartment, after the first time they had sex. He remembers how she was patient to let him vent about his life, about the things that he thought he had no control. How her eyes filled with tears when the victrola began to play "I Can Dream, Can't I?" at the moment when Pete had to leave. _She would never do that again, cry in front of me_ , he thought. _She's too proud for that... And I was too proud to cry that day_. If he had treated her the way she deserved, maybe he had the life he always thought he deserved. How many other times they could have danced together, in a larger apartment and theirs alone? How many times he would have kissed her again, woken up with her perfume, and this time without that sad goodbye? In all these nine years, how many things they could have lived... How many memories he could have had with that child, how many hugs he could have given... _So many things that never were..._  
"Pete?"  
"Oh... Yes?"  
"Do you heard me?" She questioned, and he pretended a sudden interest.  
"Of course."  
"So?"  
"All ideas are great... But... I think the first will be well accepted."  
"You don't fool me, Pete. You didn't hear me."  
"You know me too much."  
"I know you're happy to have spoken with Tammy and all, but it's time to work a bit... Anyway, I must agree with you, the first idea is the best one."  
"I told you..." his tone of voice changed slightly, and seemed sweeter. When he thought she'd hang up the phone, Peggy completed.  
"I like to know when you're happy."  
"Thank you." he answered, but what he really wanted to say was that her voice was everything he needed to hear that day. Was the kind of bandage that have been working for almost ten years. And maybe he will never learn to live without.  
When she hung up the phone, that words echoed in his mind, once again. _I could have had you in my life forever, if I wanted to_. He answers to himself, one more time. _And I would have loved you forever._


End file.
